Tag Archives: females

Have You Been Catfished?

October 24, 2014

online-dating-e1405898035178-600x300With new dating apps like Tinder, it is becoming more and more common to meet first online. Whenever I have had conversations about online dating with my guy friends, they confess of a having a fear of being “catfished.”

According to the ever-so reliable source, Urban Dictionary, it states, “A Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.”

Now, I’m not about to go into detail of how I’ve gotten “catfished.” No offense, but who spends months or years speaking to someone they’ve never seen or at least have sure proof this person exist? And God forbid, plan a life with a stranger. It’s beyond me!

I have a hard enough time getting to know a real guy who is sitting right in front of me, much less some weirdo in another state or better yet, a con-artist in an internet cafe in Africa.

But I’ll be honest. I think I’ve been catfished (just not via Facebook or some other site). I’m pretty sure I’ve been the victim of others creating a false identity. Thank God, I’ve never found out some man I was dating was married with five children.

I often find it extremely difficult to meet men and women alike who are transparent, honest people. Those who know me know that I am very honest and upfront. This is a blessing and a curse. I often ask people sincere questions. Sometimes I get an answer but often times, the answers are vague and elusive like a child inquiring why Zebras have stripes.

False identities can be created in many different ways. I’ve dated guys who claim to be religious because they know my spirituality means a great deal to me. I’ve met people who hide bad habits like smoking or drinking, to later find out it was an issue. I’ve also met others who claim to have the same values as I do in order to get a so called “good girl.” Thankfully, I’m pretty intuitive. But only because I’ve been fooled before.

When it comes to cultivating relationships, honesty is the only way success can be achieved. Sometimes honesty hurts. Sometimes it means an end to a relationship. Sometimes it means taking a risk, and it scaring you senseless.

Thankfully, I still have time and am not remotely worried about meeting my match. I know it will happen. But as I continue with the exhausting dating process, I find myself weary with facades, lack of transparency and the ability in others to be honest.

I see it all the time, especially with men who will not be honest with their feelings or intentions. If you’re a guy reading this, I’m sure you have experienced this with women.

I was thinking today, “Why is it that often times when I ask a straight forward question, I cannot get a straightforward response?” It dawned on me.

If a person cannot be honest with me, then he probably is not being honest with himself.

I wonder how many catfish are swimming around?

Article by Brittany Windle

Follow Britt on Twitter.

The Slave Hunter

September 30, 2014

Aaron CohenAn unexpected phone call from Aaron Cohen, the author of Slave Hunter and human activist, turned into one of the most interesting conversations I have had to date. Within five minutes of emailing him for an interview, I was contacted immediately. His quick response is a direct reflection of his fervency to spread the word and get others involved.

Who is Aaron Cohen you may wonder? After hearing his story, you will not forget him. Just by browsing his Web site abolishslavery.org, you sense a passion that does not appear in most people. And when you speak with him, this passion is even more evident. But what is he passionate about? Aaron Cohen’s mission is to free those who have been held captive in the sex trade and other forms of bondage, such as in agricultural and industrial production and in domestic work.

Cohen’s mission didn’t always look like this. Once a drug addict himself and best friend and business partner with front-man of the rock group Jane’s Addiction, his life obviously didn’t reflect his present attitude of selflessness. When asked what began his transformation, he says it was due to his mother’s diagnosis with cancer and “her sincere last wishes for her life.”

For the past several years, Cohen has been known to many as a slave hunter. Going undercover, Cohen seeks out those who are victims of human trafficking in areas such as Cambodia, Latin America, Sudan, and Iraq. Cohen has played an integral role in freeing the lives of abused victims. Currently, he is promoting his book Slave Hunter. This book retells Cohen’s life-risking journey. When asked what memory resonates the most, he recalls a story about a young girl named Jonty whom he encountered while in Cambodia. He appeared in disguise at a brothel where he met her. She was too shy to sing karaoke by herself, so Cohen suggested she gather her friends to help her. These eleven girls, including Jonty, were victims of human trafficking, which included forced sexual acts. The next day, Cohen was able to free all eleven girls.

Aaron Cohen

Cohen speaks with a heartfelt sincerity as he recalls these bittersweet memories. This memory is bitter because Jonty died of liver failure due to the drug abuse she was forced to partake in while held captive. These memories are yet sweet because Jonty and her ten friends were free from a life that seemed inescapable and would have led to death if someone like Cohen had not rescued them. Eight of the eleven graduated from that life and two returned to drugs.

Even more so, the memories that Cohen carries are memories of hope yet urgency to continue his efforts in freeing these innocent children. Cohen says, “ I am one guy with many networks.” He further explains that he and others have come together to help alleviate this dangerously growing problem. You, too, can make a difference. But how?

Cohen offers ways in which you can get involved. The first step is prevention. This can be accomplished by creating an awareness campaign through various social networks such as Facebook. The next step is prosecution. If you know of someone who is a victim of human trafficking, then call the National Human Trafficking Resource Center at 1.888.3737.888. The last step is protection. Protect those who have been victims or who are currently.

You may think that one person can’t make a difference; however, it is apparent that Aaron Cohen, the slave hunter, has made a difference in many rescued lives and so can you.

By Brittany Windle. To learn more about human trafficking, visit Abolishslavery.org.

Originally published on SouthernBeautyMagazine  and DIvineCaroline

30 Observations at Age 30

July 20, 2014

It’s not often that we have a male contributor here at Modern Lace. Tim Sayles shares with us his 30 observations at 30.

Screen shot 2014-07-20 at 3.03.31 PMIt’s not often that we have a male contributor here at Modern Lace. Tim Sayles shares with us his 30 observations at 30.

1. Although we never believe it at the time, high school popularity really doesn’t matter. #butIdomissthatpowderbluepromtuxedo

2. College really is the most carefree, fun time of your life. #gunsup

3. Making and keeping friends after college is extremely more difficult than when in college. Regardless, make the effort. #thankGodforgoodfriends

4. The common cliché “life is short” starts to make a little bit more sense once you look up and you’re thirty years old. #1/3lifecrisis

5. Marrying the right person is very important. #caitlinsayles

6. Trying daily to be the right kind of spouse is also important. #sheispatient

7. Facebook is exceptionally more popular than anyone in my college dorm could’ve ever imagined. #facebookusedtoonlybeforforcollegekids

8. From an outsider’s perspective, raising children seems totally hard but totally worth it…most of the time. #just2dogsfornow

9. Like my parents promised, I actually became friends with my siblings.
#josh #abby #micah

10. There is much to be said for a traditional education but I am shocked at the amount of success some people have without it.
#youstartedwhatkindofbusinessinyourgarage

11. Loving what you do for a living is a true blessing. #thankGodigotintoPAschool

12. On the other hand, a job really is just a job. It only defines you if you let it. #muchmoretolifethanthose40hours

13. That previously pathetic 10:30 PM bedtime has become an absolute necessity. #nomoreallnighters

14. I sometimes look back at photos from my youth with the same head-shaking disbelief I did when looking at photos of my parents at the same age. #myhair #notbesthair

15. I appreciate how shockingly invaluable a good childhood and great parents have been to my path in life. #mesquiteTXintha90s

16. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes my body feels like it’s thirty years old. #rest #ice #compression #elevation

17. My aspirations of being a decent golfer will always be just that.
#iblametheclubs

18. Saving for retirement is weird considering I feel like I just started working. #401what

19. The idea of a mortgage payment that will last the same amount of time that I’ve been alive is both confusing and terrifying. #almosthomeownerproblems

20. Cross country moves are unavoidably chaotic; Almost as chaotic as trying own a home in the Bay Area.
#isthatpricetagforreal
#escrow #morelikemesscrow

21. Trips to Costco with my wife are strangely exciting and always more expensive than anticipated. #thatllbe$400sir

22. The cell phone I’m writing this on is ten times more capable than the desktop computer I grew up with. #wemissyoufloppydisk
#oregontrail

23. I would take Golden Eye over Call of Duty any day. #N64

24. Taxes go up, policies change, and social issues evolve but, ultimately, we have it very good here in the USA. #fiftynifty

25. After living in California for a short time it is even more clear to me that “Texan” truly is it’s own demographic identifier. #comeandtakeit

26. As a follow up, it’s hard to deny that California has a leg up in the weather and scenic beauty department compared to my beloved Lone Star State. #lubbockTXisoneofakind

27. My hairline really is receding. #Itsnotjustparanoia

28. If you’ve never traveled outside the USA, you should. There are some amazing things to see and experience on this planet. #Guatemala #South Africa #Brazil

29. Regardless of your current perspective or predisposition, try reading the Bible. It’s a truly an enlightening piece of literature.
#theGoodBook

30. I hardly ever use hashtags. In fact, I don’t even understand their purpose. But I used them here to prove I’m still cool at age 30. #whostillsayscool

What are your own observations? Share with us by commenting below.

Article by Tim Sayles

Comparison is the Thief Joy

July 1, 2014

Screen shot 2014-07-01 at 12.43.11 PM

I must be the only one who struggles with social media. I have a love/hate relationship with it, especially Facebook. I find myself posting little but scrolling through the news feed a lot, mostly out of boredom. I seriously don’t know what I’m looking for, and I act as if ten minutes of time changes the outcome of the next time I check it.

I’m pretty transparent. So here goes… I compare. I compare my life to my “friends,” possibly to you if you’re my Facebook friend. And you know what? I have no clue what is going on in your life besides your highlight reel. Don’t lie. You only put the good on there. It’s okay. I’m the same way. Why would I tell you about the argument I had with a family member last week or the time I over drafted my bank account? And God forbid, I put a picture of myself on there unless I’m standing just right to make myself look the smallest and my skin the clearest. (Ugh, adult acne). Well, some of you write about the negative, and if you do, you’ve probably been deleted or at least removed off the feed.

But back to comparing. I’m guilty. I am the only one who knows my struggles except for some of you who are in my inner circle. The circle is small. So as I struggle with my own issues and I only see your amazing reel, I compare. And “comparison is the thief of joy,” according to Theodore Roosevelt. I agree.

I asked my younger sister if she found herself comparing, and she said she often thought, “Wow, he/she is on another vacation again. I wish I could travel more!” She actually just got back from the Bahamas.

I deleted my Facebook… again. If I were to reactivate it, you’d see only a smiling face. You’d see my recent fun and interesting activities- only the best, course!

You wouldn’t see that I dealt with anxiety and depression for several years. You wouldn’t see the ups and downs of dating after divorce. Quite honestly, I don’t think you’d want to hear it (at least not in a rant form on Facebook).

As we post only the best of the best of our lives, sometimes we get caught up in the appearance of it all. I’m not encouraging a boycott of Facebook, but as for now, I am taking a step back, a closer look at the mirror. And I’ve decided to cultivate the grass on my side of the fence, rather than wondering what it’s like on your side.

I’m imperfect. My hair is on top of my head. I need a shower, and my face… Well, I look like a 13 year old that just started puberty. At least, I can be honest with myself. And as for now, Facebook, I love you, but I hate you. I’m sure I’ll be back.

article by Brittany Windle

Follow Brit on Twitter.